Caeser Abdalla: What 15 Years of High-Stakes Negotiation Taught Me About Every Conversation You Will Ever Have
By Caeser Abdalla | Negotiation and Communication Coach | Australia
The most expensive mistake in any negotiation happens before you say a single word.
I know this because I have spent 15 years making it and watching other experienced professionals make it too. Not just rookies or people who had never sat across a boardroom table. People who had been negotiating contracts for years.
My name is Caeser Abdalla. I am a negotiation and communication coach based in Australia, and I have spent the better part of two decades negotiating high-stakes commercial contracts in over five countries, boardrooms in Saudi Arabia, mine sites in Queensland, government programs across Australia, and Fortune 500 companies. The contracts were worth millions. The pressure was real. The consequences of getting it wrong were significant.
And in all of that experience, the single most important lesson I learned had nothing to do with tactics, leverage, BATNA, WATNA, or reading body language. It was one question.
The One Question Every Negotiator Should Ask Before They Open Their Mouth
What is the primary goal of this conversation?
The focus should not initially be on the opening position, their weaknesses, nor what you are going to say first, nor what you are going to do if they say no.
The one thing you want to walk away having achieved.
It sounds almost embarrassingly simple. But here is the uncomfortable truth: most people, including experienced “negotiators” can’t answer it in a single sentence before they walk into the room. They have notes, they have positions, they have responses prepared for every possible objection. But they have not answered the one question that actually determines whether the conversation succeeds or fails.
That is where negotiations are lost. Not at the table. In the preparation that never happened.
Why Most Negotiations Fail Before They Start
When I work with clients on commercial negotiation skills, I ask them this question before every session: what is your primary goal for this conversation?
The most common answers I get are things like:
- “To get a better price”
- “To close the deal”
- “To push back on their terms”
- “To not give too much away”
- “To save money”
These are not primary goals. They are vague intentions. And vague intentions produce vague outcomes.
A primary goal is specific enough that you can write it in one sentence and know, at the end of the conversation, whether you achieved it or not. For example:
- “My primary goal is to agree on a 90-day payment term without reopening the pricing discussion.”
- “My primary goal is to get a verbal commitment to move forward before the end of this meeting.”
- “My primary goal is to preserve the relationship while declining this scope of work.”
Do you see the difference? A real primary goal gives you a destination. Everything else, your tactics, your language, your concessions, becomes a tool in service of that destination, rather than a series of improvised moves in response to whatever the other person does next.
What Changes When You Know Your Primary Goal
When you walk into any conversation with a clearly defined primary goal, three things shift immediately.
1. You Stop Wasting Energy on the Wrong Things
In any negotiation, there are dozens of points you could fight for. Price, terms, timelines, scope, risk allocation, payment schedules. Without a primary goal, most people try to win on everything, and end up winning on nothing, or winning on things that do not actually matter to them.
When you know what you are actually there for, you can afford to let other things go. If your primary goal is to preserve a long-term relationship, you will catch yourself before you win a point that damages trust. If your primary goal is to reach a fast decision, you will stop over-explaining your position and start asking the questions that move things forward.
Knowing your primary goal does not just focus your energy. It tells you what to let go of.
2. You Become Significantly Harder to Derail
Every experienced negotiator knows the feeling: the conversation starts going in an unexpected direction, the other party introduces a new variable, or they push back in a way you did not anticipate. Most people respond by going off script, improvising, reacting, getting pulled into debates that have nothing to do with what they originally came for.
When you have a primary goal, you have an anchor.
It does not mean you become rigid or refuse to adapt. It means that when someone pushes the conversation sideways, you have a fixed point to return to. You can engage with what they raise, acknowledge it, explore it, and then bring it back to what you are actually there for.
The negotiators who are hardest to move off their position are not the most aggressive. They are the clearest about what they want.
3. You Start Listening Differently
This is the one that surprises people most. When you know exactly what you want, you can actually hear what the other person needs.
Most people enter a negotiation in a kind of defensive listening mode, half paying attention to what is being said, half preparing their next response. When your goal is clear and settled in your mind, you free up cognitive space to genuinely hear what is on the other side of the table.
And most negotiations are achieved in that moment. When you realise that what they need and what you need are not as far apart as you thought. When you hear something in how they frame a concern that tells you exactly where the real flexibility is.
Clarity about your own goal is, paradoxically, what makes you a better listener.
This Is Not Just About Commercial Negotiation
I want to be direct about something, because I think it matters.
The negotiation skills I am describing here are not reserved for procurement professionals, commercial lawyers, or people who sit in boardrooms. The principles apply to every significant conversation you will ever have.
Asking for a pay rise is a negotiation. Giving feedback to a team member is a negotiation. Pushing back on a decision from your manager is a negotiation. A difficult conversation at home about money, time, or priorities is a negotiation.
Every significant conversation involves competing interests and a desired outcome. That is a negotiation, whether it feels like one or not.
And in every one of those conversations, the same question applies before you open your mouth:
What is the primary goal of this conversation?
The professional who walks into a pay rise conversation knowing their primary goal is to get a commitment in principle rather than a specific number today is going to handle that conversation completely differently from someone who goes in hoping “it goes well.” They will know when to push, when to hold, and when to accept a small win and come back for the rest.
The manager who walks into a performance conversation knowing their primary goal is to understand the root cause of a problem rather than to deliver a verdict is going to ask different questions, listen for different things, and produce a very different outcome.
The preparation is the same. One sentence. One goal. Before you open your mouth.
A Common Mistake: Confusing Goals with Positions
There is one trap worth naming explicitly, because I see it constantly even in experienced negotiators.
A position is what you are asking for. A goal is why you want it and what achieving it would actually look like.
These sound similar. They are not.
Imagine you are negotiating a salary increase. Your position might be: “I want a 20% raise.” Your goal might be: “I want to be compensated at market rate for my role so I feel valued and stop looking at other opportunities.”
If you walk in anchored to your position, the conversation becomes a tug of war over a number. If you walk in anchored to your goal, you have far more room to move and far more ability to find a resolution that actually works, whether that is salary, bonus structure, flexible working arrangements, or a committed review in six months.
The goal is more powerful than the position. Always.
How to Apply This Starting Today
The exercise is simple. Before your next important conversation, a difficult email, a meeting where something is at stake, a conversation you have been putting off, write down the answer to this question in one sentence:
What is the one thing I want to walk away from this conversation having achieved?
Not three things. Not “ideally” and “at a minimum.” One thing.
If you cannot write it in one sentence, you are not ready for the conversation yet. That is not a criticism, it is useful information. It means you need five more minutes of thinking before you open your mouth.
I have seen this single exercise change the outcomes of negotiations worth millions of dollars. I have also seen it change difficult conversations between colleagues, parents, and partners. The stakes differ. The principle does not.
The Preparation That Most People Skip
High-stakes negotiation taught me that the outcome of a conversation is usually determined before it starts. Not by who is smarter, tougher, or more experienced. By who did the work of getting clear.
The question is not difficult. It takes less than five minutes to answer properly. But most people skip it, because it feels too simple, or because they are confident they can figure it out as they go.
They cannot. And neither could I, until I made it non-negotiable.
What is the primary goal of this conversation?
Answer that before every important conversation you have this week. See what changes.
Caeser Abdalla is a negotiation and communication coach based in Brisbane, Australia, with 15 years of experience in high-stakes commercial negotiation across five countries. He works with professionals and organisations who want to negotiate better, communicate more clearly, and achieve outcomes in conversations that matter. Learn more at www.caeserabdalla.com.